I have mixed emotions writing this column because it will be my last Coffin’s Corner for The Beacon. It’s always tough to leave a job you have really enjoyed, but it is necessary to recognize when the job has come to an end. For this and other meaningful retirements in my life, such as teaching and coaching, the only way to explain the reason was to say, “It’s just time.”
I am amazed that it has been four years and 40 columns since I asked Beacon publisher, John Schaffner, if I could write a column for his newspaper. I hoped I could draw on my experiences from coaching and teaching physical education for more than 20 years to give advice to parents and coaches on ways to help kids succeed in sports. 

In today’s climate of overemphasis on winning, burnout of kids and coaches is at an epidemic level. “Burnout” happens when a person has so much stress from working too long and too hard under too much pressure that they give up doing the job entirely. It is no longer worth the cost to the person’s mental, emotional and physical health.
I’ve written a lot about the risk to kids. Today, let’s look at coaches.

Coaching girls: It’s different than coaching boys. I’ve waited a long time to write about this because male coaches (and some female) tend to be skeptical about my observations. I will plunge ahead anyway, because during 21 years of coaching girls at the high school level, I experienced the same unique issues, year after year. Please understand that not every girl reacts the same way to all situations, but the patterns are pretty common. My goal in letting myself in for all the protests I will receive, is to get parents and coaches to realize girls and boys are different (duh) and need to be coached with the differences in mind.

I usually do not comment on current events, but my thoughts turn to the nightmare scenarios we are hearing concerning the sexual abuse allegations against college coaches. When the victims are kids, any abuse seems worse to me. Intentionally doing lasting physical or mental harm to a child is beyond despicable. We, who deal with youth sports, must look after the kids.
Coaches have a special responsibility to protect the children they work with. Parents trust their most precious possession, their child, to us and we are honor bound to help kids, not take advantage of them. Sometimes, we are lucky enough to be considered “second parents” to our players. That speaks of healthy love and respect. Whatever our relationship is with players, we must behave as most medical professionals are charged: “do no harm.”
When I speak to groups of interscholastic coaches, the administrators always want me to stress the moral and ethical aspects of a coach’s job. Not everyone understands that the personal relationships between coaches and players must remain on a professional level. If you ask a young man why he wants to coach football and his answer is, “to get a chance to date a cheerleader,” the warning siren is activated.

The vast majority of parents involved in youth sports try the best they know how to help their children. They want their kids to have fun, learn good character traits and have a positive experience when playing a sport. In the last few years, sport parents have made the news for the wrong reasons: fighting with other parents, verbally and physically abusing officials, harassing coaches and putting too much pressure on their children.
These people are not the majority. They are ones who have lost perspective about what’s important. They’re teaching some very bad lessons, but the bottom line is that they are damaging their children. The “winning at all costs” mentality carries a very high cost indeed. It’s not the parent’s job to endorse that mentality; but to prevent it.